OMG Nintendo.com

So, I finally got Wii Fit a few days ago, and aside from the ridiculous running minigame, it's pretty awesome. The Balance Board itself is also a really fascinating piece of hardware. I went online to check and see if it was getting hacked in the sorts of hilarious ways the Wii Remote has, and sure enough, some German dudes are already breaking it open. Yes, that's right-- they got the Balance Board compatible with World of Warcraft. And why not? The massive marathon gameplay stretches a hardcore MMO demands can leave your physical health in a terrible state, especially if you eat a diet high in junk food and low in fiber. But what if you had to move for every in-game step you walked, or every menu you wanted to navigate? In this spirit, I'd like to humbly suggest seven more games that could be vastly improved with the simple addition of some hacked in Balance Board support.

Second Life

Some people say Second Life isn't a game at all, since it has no real goals to achieve and players have nothing to lose but money spent on sad virtual trinkets. I reject and mock this philosophy. Second Life is certainly a game  a game about lying to people. And if you're going to buy skins and models for the purpose of passing yourself off as a fifteen-year-old Asian girl, then why not use the Balance Board to lie about other vital stats? "5'4" and 105 pounds? That must be a real girl!" They'll have no way of knowing about your 105 pounds collection of lead weights.

Team Fortress 2

Valve's Team Fortress 2 refines FPS multiplayer into an art form, but is another game that can soak up hours upon hours from your life. Sure, playing it with the Balance Board would be healthier, but it'd have other benefits, too. Imagine moving by stepping in place on the Balance Board, or turning by shifting your center of gravity. Sure, it'd slow the gameplay down and make everyone less accurate, but you have to admit it'd be really funny-- especially if you played a Scout or a Heavy.

Pokemon Diamond & Pearl

This is a game that will, frankly, kill you if you get really into it. Your entire life will turn into a measured cycle of breeding, leveling, and battling little monsters online. Now, where the Balance Board could improve the gameplay is: Evs. How you level up your Pokemon can influence its stat growth in bizarre ways that end up demanding giant FAQs and advanced math to understand. What if you could also influence a Pokemon's growth by doing things on the Balance Board during battles? If one exercise turned out to be particularly good, you could end up with an entire generation of Pokemon trainers with iron thighs.

Street Fighter IV

Capcom is promising to port Street Fighter IV to every machine under the sun, and I'm sure this'll happen. That said, nobody in their right mind is going to buy a Wii version, which won't look anything like the gorgeous arcade screenshots released thus far. Ah, but what if you could play Street Fighter IV with the Balance Board? Throw out all notions of meaningful tactical fighting game skills and just have people executing moves and combos by manically waggling around a pair of Wii Remotes while they dance and twist around on the Balance Board. Make people run in place or punch air for the Lightning Kick or Hundred Hand Slap! This wouldn't be a version of the game anyone could take seriously, but it'd be great fun at a party with a two drink minimum.

Madden

Madden on the Wii is a bit more fun than its shinier console brethren, if only for gaining fun motion controls. Football is all about the hustle, so why not use the balance board to add in Running in Place controls, too? Or have a player's throws affected by the player's center of gravity as they stand on the Board? It would complete Wii Madden's slow, seemingly inexorable transformation into a party game defined largely by how good it is at amusing your dad and that weird uncle you only see once a year. They'd love stuff like this, no matter how much reviewers screamed about its insulting gimmickry.

God of War

God of War is an amazingly accurate evocation of the weirdness and majesty of Greek mythology, where you get to play the guy who runs around killing it all. The main distinguishing feature of the gameplay is a plethora of quicktime button-pressing events. Wouldn't these be better as quicktime panel-stomping events? Play through the game on higher difficulty and you'd certainly end up with the legendary buns of steel. What if you could use shifts of weight pressure on the Balance Board to influence projectiles, or make Kratos lean out of the way of an incoming attack? It would make the experience of annihilating the heroes of Greek myth all the more immediate.

GTAIV

I love Grand Theft Auto, but the controls never felt quite right to me. This is especially the case with driving... well, any sort of vehicle. The way you improve this is by mapping driving controls to the Balance Board. Use one side for gas, the other for break, and let people shift their weight around to make turns. Sure, these controls would be worse than traditional driving game controls, but still better than what's available in GTAIV by default, and more fun than just taking taxis everywhere. For fun, you could map the on-foot controls the same way with Wii Remote aiming for gunfire, making Niko's occasional swim or long hustle into a chance to get a little exercise.

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