I didn't follow this story as it was breaking since I had no idea it was going to lead anywhere so gloriously stupid, but here we are. It's time for a symphony of incompetence, as conducted in Kotaku links.
For a brief period last week, Wal-Mart appeared to be offering Super Smash Bros. Brawl pre-orders at the ridiculously low price of $19.82. This was a mistake and now Wal-Mart is offering a price closer to the title's usual MSRP.
Where things get stupid is how Wal-Mart dealt with their error. Folks who pre-ordered the Brawl at the reduced price, got e-mails informing them that their order had been forcibly canceled. People were obviously upset at this, so Wal-Mart decided to make nice by... offering the folks who had their Brawl pre-orders canceled a measly $10 gift card.
Yeah, that's an awesome way to compensate someone who thought they were going to get a new copy of one of the most anticipated games of 2008 at a $30 discount. I wouldn't be angry at all.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Okay, Activision. First you publish a rhythm game that ships not with promised 5.1 digital audio, but without any stereo sound at all. After lots of fanboy tooth-grinding, you announce you'll be doing a corrected pressing and issuing free replacement discs to everyone just before you get slapped with a lawsuit. You start taking pre-registration info via the phone and your website.
Yet, you can't manage not to publicize the e-mail addresses of everyone who pre-registered to everyone else who pre-registered, violating your company's own Privacy Policy. Kotaku reports that's about 860 e-mail addresses in the hands of 859 people who were never meant to have them. If your e-mail got screwed, contact Activision and give them an earful at (310) 255-2000.
Guitar Hero III
So, it makes sense to flip a Wii. It makes sense to even flip a broken Wii, if you can find someone willing to buy it from you in a parking lot. It doesn't make sense to let someone get your license plate numbers so they can track you down with the Wii doesn't work, and it really doesn't make sense to let police search your house while you hide in the closet. I guess this is why drug addicts don't have a reputation for cleverness.
After gathering more information about the suspect, the deputy went to an address along the 2500 block of Stetson Avenue on Saturday to contact the man.
The suspect's girlfriend was at the house and she said he wasn't home. The deputy asked the woman if he could search the home to confirm the suspect wasn't there. The woman conceded.
The deputy found the man hiding in a closet and arrested him.
The suspect said he didn't steal the game console but instead bought it online from someone. When he learned it was broken, he said he tried to pawn it off to someone else.
The biggest problem with any "worst of" list lies in its writer's lack of personal experience. Nobody goes out and plays every crappy game in the world on purpose, so all you end up with are variations on "the worst games of 2007 that I've played." As a result, you'll hear ridiculous things like "Manhunt 2 is one of the worst games of the year because it made a lot of people mad!" and "I sure was disappointed with Kayne & Lynch! This means that it's the worst game of all time!" instead of anything that's actually based in reality.
Nuts to that. You deserve better. You deserve not to be patronized with a list of supposedly putrid games that are merely below average. Because I love you all, I've hunted down and played as many Wii games as I could find over the last year, so that I could definitively report that the game with the gingerbread ninja on the cover is not very good.
What follows are the five worst games to be released for the Nintendo Wii in 2007. For real, this time. Believe nothing else.
Nintendo hardware is tough, and generally made to withstand a lot of punishment. An angry four-year-old's urine is apparently not in the range of threats Nintendo obsessively product-tests against. From the distinctly tabloid British paper the Metro:
Ellis Emsley weed all over six-year-old Danny's prized Nintendo Wii leaving it water- logged and out of action.
Their mother Kerry, 25, said: 'It seems Ellis got fed up with Danny being obsessed with the Wii and refusing to play with him.
'He was told it was his turn on the Wii next, but he took it a bit too literally and used his secret weapon to sabotage the machine.
'Danny was speechless with rage, Ellis knew he had done something wrong and went and hid under his bed.'
That's right, internet. Those two solid days of pee jokes we told back when Nintendo first revealed the Revolution's real name? Totally justified.
The Zeemote, which is legally distinct from the Wii Nunchuk.
You know a Nintendo controller design has really hit it big when other manufacturers start copying it. The Wii Nunchuk can now join that long, proud list.
Start-up peripheral maker Zeetoo is currently developing a Wii Nunchuk knockoff called the Zeemote for the mobile phone market. Quoth CVG:
Using Bluetooth to connect to your phone, the device has an analogue stick, buttons on the reverse, all in a body that's shaped uncannily like the Wii Nunchuk controller.
Zeetoo even has a motion sensing version of the controller in the prototype phases, and another with a tracker ball.
It's hard to fault Zeetoo's logic here, though. The mobile market desperately needs better controls if they want games that take advantage of high-end hardware, and right now the Wii's controllers are the hottest on the market.
The parade of stupid things you can attach to your Wii just ain't stoppin'. Today we check in with Dragon Electronics and their awesomely dollar-store 8-in-1 Weapons Pack, and CTA's slightly baffling Cooking Mama Kit.
Oh, sure, we've got the Wii Zapper now, which lets you encase your controllers in plastic while actively reducing your in-game performance. But you know what I'd like even more? Something plastic that made my Wii remote look more like, I don't know... a shark?
Wait, you say it's already out there?
Awesome! My one complaint with Umbrella Chronicles when I played it was that I never had the feeling I was launching explosive projectiles at zombies from a shark's mouth. Now I can!
Okay, so... I've been thinking, holding on to my Wii remote with my hands is just too much effort. And that wrist strap? Clearly for the overweight and indiscriminately promiscuous. I want to, say, wear a glove that attaches my Wii remote right to the palm of my hand, so I only have to wrap my fingers around it loosely.
Oh, snap, that's out too?
What's interesting about this latest Game|Life feature is that it neatly sums up all of the major complaints about Nintendo (and, more specifically, the Wii) right now. It's unusual to see them summed up so, shall we say, intelligently. Two of these are from individual editors' lists, and the third... well, you'll see. Just check behind the cut.
